You know, I never title my writings until I am done with the writing because I never truly know what I will write until it is done. All that I know is that my heart is heavy to write. Sure, much of time I have somewhat of an idea that my mind is pondering, but the writings pretty much write themselves. So, at this point, I have no title. Let us take a journey together here and see where God will lead us. Maybe you will see the title in this writing and entitle this writing yourself. I will leave it to you, the reader, to tell me what it should be named. Oh I can hear some names now, God help me.

When I was a few years younger I joined the Army. (this thought just came to me now…see what I mean). At that time I was running as far from God as I could, so I thought the Army would be a good way to do that. Anyway, I went and talked to a recruiter, and he gave me all those great promises that they are so well trained to give. It all sounded great at the time. He made it all sound so awesome and fun. Ohhh…and let us not forget the College money. Man…I was pumped, so I went and took the ASVAB test (Armed Services Vocational Aptitude Battery), and then I signed on the doted line. The very day I stepped off that bus at Basic Training I realized that recruiter was not exactly honest with me, and as the days went on, I realized this more and more. This left me wondering what in the world I signed up for here. Here I am, many years later, and I am asking myself this very same question today. Let me explain.

I came to Christ when I was just a young man, and I fell madly in love with my redeemer. I learned a great deal about Him through those earlier years, or at least I thought I did. He was this well groomed, soft, gentle, loving and caring Jesus, and His whole heart was to make sure I was well taken care of, got all I wanted and needed. BUT THAT WAS THEN…

Since those days, God has led me on a journey that has left me once again wondering what did I sign up for. The truth is, most of all those wonderful doctrines that where imputed into me back then where worth about as much as all of those promises that the Army recruiter gave to me those years ago. Ever since I have been off the bus and stepped my feet on this rode, also known as THE WAY, my life has been ripped apart. My body (aka flesh) has been burned, and my very guts have been spewed out for all to see (I know…very graphic…sorry). Even as I write this article, my head feels like it is about to explode and my heart about to wither away. For those of you that have taken this whole blog  journey with me since it started, know well enough that I have vowed to shoot you straight, and give you all the truth that I receive. Sometimes that truth is not pretty. This entry will be an example of that kind of truth.

I have found that God does not look as I was taught he looked like. Although some of what I was taught had some particles of truth to them (that Army recruiter had some as well) God does not look like the way most of Christianity would like to paint Him. I know, I know, His yoke is easy and His burden light…but compared to what? ( I could give you something on that scripture that would cause you to see it a little different, but I will leave that for another entry). I have come to see that God does not want to give me all that my little heart desires, he wants to change my heart so all that I desire will be what He desires, and that, my friends, requires the complete disintegration of who we are in the flesh. I have news for you…..THIS IS NOT A LIFE OF ROSE PEDDLES AND DAISIES! This is a life full of disappointment, regret, pain, and torment. All that you will really receive when you sign on the dotted line is a CROSS. A cross in which our blessed savior said would be a prerequisite for being His disciple. He did not lie to us as our interpretations of scriptures have. He told us exactly what living life as a TRUE disciple would look like. It requires the death of who we are and everything that even remotely smells of who we were in the flesh.  (BYE BYE OLD MAN)! As a result of this death a resurrection would take place, and the things that our lives would produce would look JUST LIKE CHRIST. (HELLO NEW MAN)! He will tear this temple down and raise it up on holy ground. This does not happen all of a sudden just because you believe, said some prayer, or were baptized in some water hole somewhere. This is a process that begins the moment that you truly sign on the dotted line, given up on EVERYTHING you hold on to, and climb upon the alter of God, and allow God to kill you. It is on this alter that you will SEE HIM FACE TO FACE, and when you look upon his face…you die. Sounds fun huh? Are you ready to sign up yet?

I know these are hard sayings. Christ did not say that “strait is the gate, and narrow is THE WAY, which leads unto life, and FEW there be that find it,” for noting. The path of a true disciple is not an easy path, so if you don’t mind me asking, how strait is your path? What all did you manage to get through the “gate” that you walked through?

Christ told us to count the cost. He tells us this because it will cost us everything if we so choose to follow Him. EVERYTHING friends. That is why so few will find THE WAY. They are not willing to lay down their comforts, their knowledge, their possessions, their denominations, and their life. They are comfortable believing that the cross they must bear is a Wednesday night and Sunday church service, their 10% (maybe), and supporting a missionary in some foreign land who really is giving their life for Christ. If you can truly grasp this, and get past the anger you’re feeling right now, it will change how you view scriptures. The verses will begin to really come to life for you, or should I say bring death to you.

I know that this writing must really seem to be a downer. The truth is…at this point, I don’t have anything uplifting to say. I know that I should say something that says how great everything will be if you so choose to sign up, and some days I have things of that nature to tell about. Right now, however, I do not. I myself am counting the cost. I am not to sure if I can handle any more of this cross of mine. It has been a long journey, and I am growing more and more weary. The sad part is, I have not had to endure even 1/16 of what my brothers and sisters have had to endure for the past 2000 years. I am a disgrace to the family name. I do see glimpses of beauty from time to time, and that gives me hope and strength to continue this journey, but right now I can’t see a foot in front of me. It is tough my beloved friends. It really is.

Aww…I am sure I will rise from these ashes and continue on with The Lifter of my head. He has never failed me….never. I have always found victory with Him. Where else could I go, to whom could I turn, What else could I do. I have been chosen by The Creator of all things. He is The Lover of my soul, my love and my passion. I will make it because He said I would.

How is that for a recruitment letter. Me….mister evangelist. I don’t guess I will win many souls with such writings as this.  The truth is, we will all stand before God, and there will be many who say Lord Lord, I went to church, I am a believer, I have been baptized, I paid my 10%, I supported missionaries, and I invited people at work to come to church with me. Many people will say this, and the Father will say SORRY I NEVER KNEW YOU. I am sure many of you have plenty to say to me at this point. All of those great scriptures that you have worked so hard on remembering, you now have an opportunity to use them. Swing away friends…swing away. I am no stranger of being wrong about things. Much of my life has been a lie, and I did not know it. However, at the end of the day, the Truth will still be The Truth, no matter how many verses of scripture we have memorized and interpreted.

As said in the beginning of this writing, though you will see something written in the title area of this entry, the true title is one you must name. Those who have ears to hear…let them hear.